Hi there, handsome. What're you doing for brunch this weekend? You know the routine. You call me Strawberry Shortcake and I call you Papi. Maybe to mix it up, this weekend I'll call you Big Poppa instead.
Shh. I know you don't like it when I think about other men, but you haven't showered since you spilled that bottle of pancake syrup on your shirt. The way you smell makes me think of the French Toast and Pancakes at The Goose Creek Diner's
Sunday breakfast buffet. Big Poppa Stampley
plays there every Sunday, and you know how much I love live music.
Baby, if you have a problem with my fantasies then buy that cheap guitar they keep next to the PS3 Rock Band at Best Buy and learn to play in your boxers while making me breakfast. Hey! Calm down! I know Big Poppa doesn't actually make the brunch at The Goose Creek Diner, but you have to admit those Hawaiian shorts look an awful lot like boxers. No? Spoilsport. Look, I do that thing you like with the three pieces of string and a pear in a bouncy castle. The least you could do is indulge my fantasies for amazing music coupled with delicious breakfast foods.
Fine. Maybe it's time for me to put up a post on Craigslist. "Louisville Foodie seeking music lover. Must appreciate excellent food, soul music, and girls who like big sweet teddybears. Let's meet for brunch. Wear your Hawaiian shirt."
Photo: Courtesy Big Poppa Stampley