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With Christmas season upon us, it seems like the right time to offer a quick tour of the area’s local shopping establishments.  Last week, we looked at Southern Indiana’s Green Tree Mall.  This week we turn our attention to Oxmoor Center, which in 1986 was named “Rad-est Mall” by both Nick Rhodes AND Simon LeBon of Duran Duran.

Oxmoor Center – Louisville, KY

PROS:  As everyone knows, the word Oxmoor is German for “Bovine Game Preserve.”  True to form, the Oxmoor Center lives up to its well-earned tradition as Kentucky’s number one place to shoot cows trapped in an enclosed pen.  You’d think such a thing would be out of place at an east end shopping mall, but for some reason, it works.  As the old saying goes, “Shopping at Oxmoor is so easy, it’s like shooting ox in a moor!”

Even if you are not looking to shoot a cow, Oxmoor still has plenty to offer, such as stores that sell things and stuff.  Some of them even sell things and/or stuff that a reasonable human being might want.

For example, have you ever looked at a room in your home or court-appointed half-way house and thought, “You know what would really tie this room together?  An oversized Disorderlies movie poster (featuring 1980’s rap sensation the Fat Boys).”  Well if that sounds like you then visit Posterman, conveniently located on Oxmoor’s spacious and rarely visited second floor. 
 
Oxmoor is also home to Club Tabby, which is a great place to take your daughter if you want to see her have a complete emotional breakdown brought on by sensory overload.  It’s like going to a rave hosted by Hello Kitty, but instead of Extacy, everyone’s hopped up on hair scrunchies and Selena Gomez beats.   This is also a hotspot for 40 year-old women who want to get a stylish and age-appropriate feather weaved into their hair, because in no way is that look geared specifically at eight year old girls.

Finally, there is a Taylor Trunk.  You heard me – Taylor F’ing Trunk.  That place has EVERYTHING – trunks, utility knives, globes.  Straight up dopest store in the history of time.  If you don’t get at least one gift from the Trunk, it’s because your family hates you and wishes they’d sold you to the circus like they planned to back in 1972.

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About Patrick Fawcett

When I was a boy, I met Darth Vader at Raceland Mall. I also got to hug a Jawa. I have spent everyday since then chasing that high.

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