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1. The Over-Excited Over-Drunk Out-of-Towner

"Dude, have you had a mint julep yet? Dude, they are so good. Early Times is probably like, the best bourbon ever right? This is crazy!" 

2. The Bored Local

"I'm from here, so I've never been to Derby. I've been to Oaks plenty of times though. Man, these drinks are so expensive. My feet hurt. At least it's not raining, remember when it stormed that one time? When does Derby start again?" This infielder has usually been dragged to Derby by out-of-town friends dying to experience the "decadence and depravity."

3. The Horse Nerd

"Guys, I know something about every single one of these horses, their trainers, their history, everything. I  have a real system for who I'm betting on. Ugh, I wish we could actually SEE the race and not just watch it on the big television." It's a huge bonus to have one of these people in your group, thought, because sometimes they really DO know what they're talking about. 

4. The Disgusted Lady or Gentleman

"Look at this rabble! Roderick, they're splashing your seersucker. Oh crumbs, the wind has set my fascinator askew." Word of advice: no matter how fancy you are, mud doesn't discriminate and neither do incredibly drunk people. 

5. The Derby Victim

The barefoot girl limping through the filth. The guy slumped over on the grass with his hand wrapped around a half-empty julep glass. The guy who drops his head in his hands when he loses one too many times. The sloppy-drunk girl with a suspicious amount of beads around her neck and toy horses glued to her $4 straw hat. 

No matter where you're sitting (or passing out!) enjoy the Derby!

Photo courtesy of kentuckyderby.com, gifs courtesy of giphy.com

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Elizabeth Myers's picture

About Elizabeth Myers

Big fan of bacon and bourbon, deep fried anything, sweet tea and sweet nothings.

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