So Friday a bunch of us hit the fair with high expectations of seeing MC Hammer live, eating our weight in obscure fried foods, and getting wasted. Some of that did in deed happen, but unfortunately, and I'm sad to report that we didn't make it to see Hammer. Instead, we roamed around the midway pointing out and clowning all that Kentucky had to offer, which primarily was rednecks and pre-teens, soon to be rednecks. We never made any progress it seemed, because most every time that our group got away from the car for more than ten minutes someone needed to stop and piss, or we had to go back to the vehicle to refill on beer. We found out quickly that was the cheap remedy, and I'm glad we loaded down the cooler beforehand because beers there cost somewhere around six bucks apiece.
Actually, all of our plans fell apart, the loose ones that we had anyway, but I couldn't have cared less. My main objective was eating the worst fried foods that the fair had to offer, and to make a mockery of the inhabitants that live in this state. I got my fill, and a rowdy case of the poo pains. I, the complete glutton ate a corndog, a piece of a funnel cake, some fried oreos that we dropped on the ground, but still ate because of both the five second rule and because they had just came out of a deep fryer, as well as a gyro. We couldn't find the hamburger that had the crispy creme donut for a bun or else I'd have tried to find a place inside of my gut for that too.
What we did see was a little bit of the live stock, or maybe I just remember the smell of ass that permeated throughout the fairgrounds from the livestock exhibit. I can't quite recall, but know that the picture I attached to this article came from last year's fair, and yes, that is a photo of a pig's testes that my brother took, and then later tagged me on facebook as the left nut, and one of our friends as the right. Good times are to be had at the Kentucky State Fair, and I'd like to tell you to swing out that way if you already haven't done so this year. Just be sure to load up on Imodium and Gas-X if you decide to do as we did and eat every fried thing that you come in contact with, and then wash it down with a bunch of brew. Entry is $8 per person, and $8 to park.
Photo courtesy of Nick Gerlach
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