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I spied this tiny yard sign crammed into the dirt at the corner of Westport Road and Hubbards Lane.
 
DNA Testing ... really? Can they tell me if I'm part Neanderthal? Will they let me know if my pet Tahitian frog was accidentally cross bred with a velociraptor before it left the island? Can they explain which mutant power my future children will inherit if I inject enough stolen chemotherapy drugs? I keep hoping I'll develop telekinesis, but for some reason the radiation is just making my hair fall out. That never happens in the comics.
Between the construction and a train I was literally immobilized, so I called them up. Those of you who aren't raging geeks have already guessed the people behind the sign are pimping Paternity Tests. 
Even when there isn't a train, ongoing construction on the Watterson exit and the Westport Road expansion ensures you'll spend quality daydreaming time at that intersection if you want to go to Target or Kroger's. Why not remind some stunned man who just got the news he's about to become a father that instead of investing in a Baby Bjorn at Target he could make the lady in his life feel extra special by double checking to make sure the baby is his? Nothing could possibly go wrong with trusting an important life decision to an anonymous road sign. 
Keep it classy, Kentucky. 

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About ChrisRachael Oseland

You're welcome to stalk my 22 First Dates and other random shenanigans on my personal blog. <BR> www.oseland.com

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