The Wall Street Journal has recently come out with their list of the manliest cities in America- they’ve determined manliness based on…amount of bar fights in the course of two months? I’m really not sure, however they claim that these are accurate representations of testosterone around the country, and their findings show that the manliest city in America is Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.
I’ve been to Oklahoma City, I have family in Oklahoma City I don’t know that it’s necessarily the manliest city in America however with a past featuring cowboys and gunfights I can certainly understand that ranking.
The least manly city: San Diego, California, I’ve been to San Diego and I don’t know that it’s necessarily the least manly city in America however with a past featuring the polar opposite of cowboys and gunfights I can certainly understand the ranking.
So, where does Louisville fall on the list? A respectable eleventh slightly manlier than Cincinnati but not quite to where Charlotte is in regards to that elusive “manliness.”
As such this is a call to arms to all the men in the city of Louisville, we should break the top ten! And, I have plans to do just that involving mens’ favorite obsession—no not that obsession, second favorite obsession: sports!
We need to begin more manly sports leagues in this city for instance Semi-pro Head Butting where in two guys strap on soft helmets and just run smack into each other head first like well a ram. I don’t know how the scoring will work in this competition, but roller derby got popular nationwide and to this day nobody knows how to score that sport. I’m pretty sure it involves amount of beer consumed though.
Which leads me to another sport synchronized beer chugging, two guys artfully and with classy music (something from the catalog of George Thorogood perhaps) chug beer while twirling a baton, I know what you’re thinking but the baton is on fire and weighs 200 pounds.
How about professional Segalling that’s where, with the very manly Steven Segall is in mind a team of men try to snap more necks quicker than the other team. If that doesn’t do anything for you how about Norrising, in the vain of Chuck Norris men race each other to see who can dye their otherwise gray beard a ridiculously fake color.
I could also support Australian rule football teams- assuming we make it much more violent or of course football- minus the pads or Hockey- minus the hockey and everything none fight related.
Men, these are just ideas and I know that we can come up with more ridiculous ways of hurting ourselves in pursuit of manliness. And well, I think it’s about time we start.
We’re comin’ for ya Charlotte!
Oh by the way the list from the Wall Street Journal is right here:
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