We've all seen "What Not To Wear" with Clinton Kelly and Stacy London once or twice, or if you're like me you binge watch whenever find that it's airing. They should definitely make an appearance at Derby one year, but until then I'll do my best to lay down some ground work for them with this post.
The Kentucky Derby, and the months leading up to the event, brings out the best and the absolute WORST in the people of Louisville and surrounding areas. You'll only see this much pastel and pale pink, drunkenness, and strangers thinking that Mint Juleps are drank all year round, once a year. I look forward to and shudder a little thinking about the clothing and people that Derby week brings to our fair city.
With Oaks being tomorrow and the best two minutes in sports coming up on Saturday I thought it best to help out the gen pop with some DON'Ts for their time at the Downs.
Ladies, I'll start with you, because of course ladies go first.
- DON'T spend all that money on a dress and not wear Spanx.
- DON'T spend all that money on a dress and get a hat from Dee's.
- DON'T take your shoes off, even if you got a pedicure.
- DON'T drink too much, and if you do don't act a fool.
- DON'T be THAT girl.
- DON'T let Derby, do you.
- DON'T wear flip flops.
- DON'T wear a hat, if you're going to plow everyone over with it.
- DON'T wear a fascinator, if you always play with your hair.
- DON'T wear it if it's too tight, you will get hot, you will pass out, and everyone will be too drunk to help you.
- DON'T show off what your momma didn't give ya.
Fellas, you're easier, but only because you don't care as much.
- DON'T wear your dad's hand-me-downs.
- DON'T do seer sucker if you're going to be swimming in it, it should be well fitted.
- DON'T match your girl too much, no matter what she says, a tie or pocket square is more than enough.
- DON'T be THAT drunk guy.
- DON'T wear socks with sandals, even if you're in a frat.
- DON'T wear sunglasses inside.
These are basic guidelines for those viewing the races from the Grandstands. If you're not lucky enough to be watching the race from there, and you're just there to get drunk in the infield. Forget the rules from above. Just remember these few easy to follow directions.
- DO wear underwear.
- DO keep your shoes on.
- DO go with with friends, that like you.
If you're looking for more tips about dressing for Derby or in general, feel free to check out TheKentuckyGent.com for day-to-day style advice, or follow along on Twitter, @TheKenGent, or Instagram, @TheKentuckyGent, for real time tweets of Derby Fashion this weekend and photos from events around town!