Worst place to urinate in public: On a cop car [Worst of Louisville]

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Though it’s against the law to spill your bladder on city public property or even in the midnight solitude of the streets, it happens.  For some, it happens more frequently than others. I’m not exactly for sure what it is about drinking and then popping that seal for the first time of the evening, but for me personally, once it happens, I can’t stop the flood gates, and every 15 minutes it’s either a trip to the restroom, or a headhunting mission to find some shrubbery or an inanimate object that needs watering.

A few years back, my brother and some friends of ours went out drinking, or better yet, we went binging. It was the first time any of us had ever drank an Irish car bomb, and they were delicious, so we drank somewhere between eight or nine of them apiece within about an hour and a half while steadily drinking whatever else was in our glasses.Next thing I remember is staggering down Baxter Avenue from the Outlook toward Wick’s, and along the way a few of us felt nature calling just right before the driveway next to O’Shea’s.

Make a really long story short, myself and a friend of mine began emptying our bladders on either side of a car that was parked in that driveway.  It was blissful, and I can remember having one of those “aww yeah” moments while swaying in the wind with my eyes closed, and my head tilted back. 

Everything was fine until two men began to get out of that car and yell at us to back away from the vehicle and for the both of us to put our manhood away. At the same time my brother threw a small plant with the roots and a dirt clod still attached to the bottom of it, but instead of making contact with either of us, the plant blew up on the windshield of the car. Believe it or not, this escalated the situation and heightened the anger of these two men, which turned out to be undercover police officers.

As we finished relieving ourselves while simultaneously getting verbally reamed by these two cops, the three of us were rounded up and threatened to be put in the back of their urine-stained undercover cop car and taken down to the station.  Instead, two of us were given indecent exposure charges, and my brother was given one for public vandalism. 

About Damian Gerlach
Born and raised locally here in the Germantown neighborhood of Louisville, Kentucky. I have lived and frequented in both the Highlands and Germantown areas for the past ten years while completing my undergraduate work in communication, and graduate work in business communication from Spalding University. After the completion of both of these degrees, the most recent during the summer of 2007, I began working as a sales consultant for a large telecommunications company, as well as for a few local colleges. In 2008 I self-published my first book, "Always Coming Back," and my second late summer 2009, entitled "Bent."
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