In search of the mythical lazy river of the infield.
That's right, this lovely blonde spread out a sea blue tarp filled with a raft made of pool noodles so she could enjoy the water at this rainy Derby.
"There's actually a lap pool at the second turn. You should check it out! There's also a lazy river. It's the real reason we're here. You haven't see it? That's why we bring the pool noodles."
I must've looked a little dubious. "You haven't been for a swim yet? Look at you. You're covered in mud. It's the best way to clean up."
"Everybody knows us by the noodles. One year, I sent a friend out to get us some Derby decorations and she came back with pool noodles. Pool noodles? Well, it's what we had and they let us in, so we brought them. Turned out to be a good thing. We all lost each other on the infield. Next thing you know, we were waving them up in the air - and we all found each other! Now they're our thing. I can't come to Derby without them."
I'll be honest with you - I wish I'd taken a raft to the infield with me. Before I even reached the mudwrestlers, I was coated in mud from my toes to my thighs and lightly splattered the rest of the way up. i tried to talk a couple of drunk guys into pretending their tarp was a boat so they could sail down the muddy to the mythical lazy river at turn 2.
"Show us your tits!" They shouted.
"Make me a boat!" I tried making origami motions with my hands. The bolder drunk stuck his tongue between my fingers and waggled it around. It was time to find another boat.
I found an abandoned slip-n-slide. As soon as I dragged it towards the water, a girl plunked down on it. "Is this yours?" I asked. She lifted it up and puked underneath. I decided to let her have it. So far, I have yet to find the infield's lazy river.