While gearing up for the weekend festival at the downs and trying to sneak alcohol in past the gates to save you a few bucks, it's imperative that you don't tear out your pubes in the process while strapping bottles to your crotch.
At the last moment my editor came thru with some extra press passes for the weekend HullabaLOU festival in the down's infield. Word for the past few weeks was that we were going to be short a a couple, so I was kind of bummed out, considering I was on of the staffers on the bench cause of seniority and whatnot. But now that the party is back on, the stove is cranked to roast, and my entry fees are floated, I am preparing for an eventful weekend packed full of booze, broads, live music, and perhaps I'll see some things that will blow my mind.
As I write I'm thinking of what kind of alcohol I plan on strapping under my pants next to my scrotum, and though the last time I did this I nearly pulled out a third of my pubes, it still seems like a decent idea. One that will hopefully save me a considerable amount of money, as well as time spent in the beer lines waiting for overpriced and watered down domestic cowboy piss. The seesaw in my mind continues teetering back and forth between the thoughts of brown liquor or clear. The last time I drank brown I had a semi-blacked out evening, climbed onto the K&I bridge down in Portland at 3am with some rowdy friends on shrooms, and ripped a massive hole in my shorts while climbing on that bridge that in turn had my junk nearly exposed and dangling in the warm summer wind for all to see. After the thought of that I think I'll just stick to clear, because all that happened the last time I drank a bunch of it was that I lost a decent amount of change on some derby bets and then took a coma in my car for four hours during the heat of the day and got a wicked farmer's tan.
There are so many great performers and bands alike that I'm hoping that I can catch all of the ones that I'm interested in. I'm digging the old school stuff like the O'Jays, Al Green, and the Doobie Brothers, but have this deep seeded love for Kansas, Steppenwolf, and 38 Special. I've seen Dave Matthews and Musiq Soulchild in the past, but know they both put on great shows, and can't wait to catch them as well. I'm not sure exactly just how I'm going to do it yet, but I'm somehow going to get my brother into the show as well, even if I have to float his way, because I've been trying to get this man to see on of his favorite artists, Dierks Bentley for over a year now. Myself, I've never listened to any of his music, but always down to check out something new and interesting.
Be sure to check into Louisville.com
all weekend long for news and updates on all of the bands and artists performing in the infield. I'll be posting several pieces over the next two days, and hope to keep you entertained with my drunken blather, and complete disrespect for human empathy, as well as a mullet count that should reach an astounding number somewhere in the high hundreds. After all, this is Kentucky people.
Photo courtesy of Damian Gerlach