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Abundance of birthing and parenting strategies confuse expectant father

Take the epidural or deliver to a she-wolf among contradictory advice
My wife and I are expecting a daughter, due on Christmas (had it been a boy, I would've insisted on naming him Jesus and then declared myself God, but alas…). Everyone we talk to has advice. And as many of these people have children who are intact and not incarcerated, it seems worth taking. (It doesn't take much to know more about parenting than I do: the one time in my life I tried to change a diaper, I ended up with mookie sticks on the floor and a 2-year-old mocking me.)

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