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    In honor of what would have been Derby Day (May 2), we asked our staff and contributors: Who is “winning” quarantine?
    Photo by Mickie Winters

     

    “Whoever convinced the powers-that-be to allow takeout cocktails. Fingers crossed this luxury lasts post COVID. I’m sure financially it’s not as good as a bum in a bar seat, but Monnik’s canned margaritas on my porch feel as close to a vacation as I’ll get for some time.”

    — Anne Marshall, senior writer

     

    “Perhaps pandemic cliché, but I feel like my dog Jadzia is winning quarantine. We adopted her from Animal House last September. She’s tan with tan eyes and according to a DNA test is a pit bull/husky/lab mix, but mostly pit bull. The longest she’s been alone since early March has been an hour and the length of walks has increased dramatically. These days, I’m as excited to get out of the house as she is during normal times. Cabin fever started to affect our normal walking routes around the neighborhood. Our laps started feeling like pacing around a prison yard or the well-worn path of a zoo animal’s cage after a while. That pushed me to explore new parts of the city, always on the hunt for a place to walk where we can be surrounded by green and stay away from people. She’s loving it. Getting through everything would be a lot tougher without a dog.”

    — Josh Wood, contributing writer

     

    “It’s a three-way tie: ESPN, for airing the Michael Jordan documentary The Last Dance early; Nintendo Switch, for blessing us with the new Animal Crossing game; and me, for buying my laid-off fiancé a new baseball simulator game to keep him happy and distracted.”

    — Alexandra Winters, production and media manager

     

    “The family dog. Cats, not so much — most find humans tiresome (and what’s up with all that high-pitched baby babble?). But canines in quarantine feel like they’ve made it to dog heaven. More quality time to train the masters. Indeed, during a lockdown, the tail really does wag the dog.”

    — Bruce Allar, contributing writer

     

    “My teacher friend who filmed herself dancing in a cheetah-print robe to Missy Elliott’s latest song ‘Cool Off’ and sent it to her students to get them excited about home school. My thoroughbred breeder friend in Lexington, who has been sleeping in a barn waiting for her 13th foal to be born. My friends working in the ER and in clinics. My new-mom friends and pregnant friends who have had to navigate childbirth and infant care (and traveling across the country after the death of a family member) during a public health crisis. My friend in Madrid who hasn’t been allowed out of her apartment for weeks except for grocery runs (not even for walks!), so she’s taken to tripping acid on occasion just to pass the time. My friend’s boyfriend, who had us all send videos wishing her a happy 30th (they’re currently in Australia, so this would have been fitting in non-quarantine times, but still). My friend who recently left her job in Mexico and is now back home becoming the Warby Parker of hats. My stewardess friend currently working on some billionaire’s yacht near Gibraltar, whose version of quarantine is sending photos of the kinds of pristine ocean views you see in Condé Nast Traveler. My friend who recently pranked a kid she babysits, making him believe she got poop on him. (‘You still poop glitter, don’t you?’ the kid says in a video she shared.) When can I see my friends again?”

    — Mary Chellis Nelson, managing editor

     

    “My cat. He’s been training for this his whole life.” 

    Katie Molck, contributing writer

     

    “Overall, it is Jeff Bezos, because Amazon is exploding and tightening its grip on e-commerce. Locally, it is drinkers. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t love to-go cocktails. I think it is going to be hard rolling back the liquor laws when this is over.”

    — Michael Jones, contributing writer

     

    “Me, in a very small sense. At the start (what feels like a thousand years ago, in mid-March), a couple friends put on a ‘Quarantine Quest’ with daily tasks like: drawing a kangaroo from memory in two minutes; creating the widest splash; creating a self-portrait with things in your house; slow-mo and time-lapse videos. I think there were 18 challenges, and I was crowned the winner.” 

    — Jenny Kiefer, contributing writer

     

    “The dogs. Hands down. According to my observations and every interview I’ve done, they’re being spoiled like overindulged grandkids — getting constant walks, extra couch time with family members and plenty of treats and games of fetch. And...what social distancing? They’re the big winners in all of this.” 

    — ​Christine Fellingham, contributing editor

     

    “My cat, Gwydion the Wizard King of Floof, aka Gwyd, aka the reason my roommate has allergies, is the undisputed winner of quarantine. All the time I’m spending at home has given him a captive audience for his several-times-a-day (and, God help me, several-times-a-night) concerts, during which he almost certainly breaks the world record for highest decibels of feline origin. I’m also more available to serve as an ear-scratcher, belly-rubber and meat cushion. He’s gonna be beside himself when the office opens back up.”

    — ​​Dylon Jones, senior editor

     

    “Streaming services, because what else does anyone have to do now? I even caved and subscribed to Hulu since this started. Runner-up: People getting out and exercising who normally don’t. There’s no better time than now to get your health in check, so kudos to them.”

    — ​Matthew Keck, editorial intern

     

    “Uber-wealthy people are winning during quarantine because capitalism is the value that dominates our world.”

    — ​Cassia Herron, contributing writer

     

    “I still usually know what day it is, which I count as a win. I’ve also mostly figured out how to actually schedule and organize Zoom calls, which I like to think makes me an indispensable asset during this time.” 

    — ​Michelle Eigenheer, contributing writer

     

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