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    Nursing mothers, take note: your milk is not superior or necessary, so says the Internal Revenue Service.

    The IRS?

    If you have an HSA or FSA, untaxed earnings saved and allocated for medical expenses, IRS has ruled that the benefits of breast milk are not great enough to qualify a breast pump as a legitimate medical device. How did that happen? Because the IRS gets a say in what you purchase with your tax-free income.

    Despite breastfed infants' lower rates of both illness and death, and a request from the American Academy of Pediatrics, the IRS has refused to approve the breastfeeding accessories necessary for a woman to return to her job and maintain her milk supply for the basic sustenance of her child. Further, if a woman has trouble breastfeeding and needs the help of a lactation consultant, that expense is also ineligible, because it's a service for a mother's non-medical condition--lactation--which benefits a baby, for whom the government has ruled doesn't need to ingest the best.

    Thank goodness for subsidized programs like WIC that provide infant formula without cost to low-income moms who simply choose not to breastfeed, stimulating the free market with brand loyalty.

    Dads, take note: In strokes of even lesser genius, FDA and IRS bang out rules to ensure sustainable erection.

    If life has left your manhood feeling downtrodden and unstimulated, the penis pump is considered a legitimate medical device for purchase with your FSA or HSA, despite Erectile Dysfunction often being a symptom of other more serious health problems. After all, real men have needs, and our government has ruled it necessary to ensure those needs are met with tax-sheltered health savings.

    Regardless of gender or bodily fluid, Gould's Discount Medical in Louisville can pump you up!

    A mother can go back to work, daring to have it all, by renting a medical grade breast pump (the only pumps able to increase milk supply as her baby does) for just $75 per month at Gould's, or by purchasing an overpriced, underpowered pump at a discount retail store, all out of pocket, affecting a family's monthly budget. Compare the breast pump price to an average $100 per month for exclusive formula feeding without WIC.

    Men, if you're yearning for days gone by, a vacuum erection device is an approved expense covered by your FSA or HSA, so the $159.95 price tag won't seduce your budget. Or, opt for the $210 it-feels-like-someone-else's-hand automatic version, sure to aid in passionate relief of testicular edema.

    IRS and FDA are flaunting their real priorities with tax-sheltered sex, and ensuring fewer choices and the "suboptimal" breastfeeding rates of American mothers. The legislation, effective January 2011, allows for denture adhesives and acne creams as eligible expenses, as outlined by this New York Times article.

    Babies, take note: Your government says you don't deserve the best. Grow up, vote, and plump up America's electile dysfunction.

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    Image: Photobucket/cabinetsguy

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    Rachel Hurd Anger's picture

    About Rachel Hurd Anger

    Rachel is a freelance writer who enjoys running in our metro parks, drinking local beer, and raising suburban chickens. Most recently she has contributed to a special edition of Chickens magazine.

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