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    If "The Leo" can publish an entire issue of made-up stuff, we can at least do it for an article. Please don't try to attend any of these events.

    Pocket-square folding lessons with Jerry Abramson
    Glassworks new Blowhard Wing
    June 27, 9 a.m.
    Mayor-for-life-or-maybe-just-one-more-year Jerry Abramson will share his expertise in the intricacies of folding pocket squares at this all-day event. Master the three-point, Dunaway and winged puff folds, and learn what folds are best for what occasions (preview: never sport a four-point crown when going to Frankfort to plead for a graceful way out). The mayor will provide handkerchiefs to practice on from his sizable collection. The class costs $20 except for Cordish Companies' employees, who will be paid $50 (tax exempt) for their time. To promote the event, city government gave Glassworks $75,000 to pay socialite Paris Hilton to attend.

    Park Duvall Neighborhood Association Art Fair
    June 27-28
    Sunrise to sunset (you don't want to be there after dark)
    This festival is only your 15th opportunity this month to purchase wind chimes, paintings of Venice and pan flutes from burnt-out hippies in an outdoor market in Louisville. Buy now or you'll have to look at the same crap next weekend when your wife drags you to a different neighborhood association's art fair. To promote the event, city government gave the Park Duvall Neighborhood Association $75,000 to pay local celeb Karen Sypher to attend.

    Middle-Aged Moms Trying to Reconnect with their Daughters, Art Exhibit opening
    Schlessingerbaumheimer Gallery on Frankfort Ave.
    June 27, 7 p.m.
    Explore the inner workings of biologically worthless women as they try to come to terms with children who no longer need them, husbands who've been cheating on them since 1987 and careers they sacrificed to serve them both. Highlights of this art exhibit include graphic portrayals of wilted flowers, cloudy beach scenes and kitty cats. Admission is free, and the cost of the overpriced paintings starts at $25.

    Fourth Street Live! Keep Louisville Weird Fest
    Fourth Street Live!
    June 28, 12 p.m.
    Keeping up its tradition of promoting Louisville's unique local flavor, Fourth Street Live! is hosting its fifth annual Keep Louisville Weird Fest. Focusing on local art, films and restaurants, the event highlights how a world-class city's downtown area can succeed without having to harness the forces of gentrification. Admission is free if you bring a sales receipt from a local merchant. Otherwise tickets are $5 with proceeds benefiting the Kentucky Fairness Alliance. To promote the event, city government gave Fourth Street Live! developer Cordish Companies $75,000 to pay local celebrity Judge Katie King to attend. (Cordish returned the money, however, saying it wasn't necessary.)

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    About Zach Everson

    Journalist • Reporting on conflicts at Trump's DC hotel & other businesses • 1100 Pennsylvania newsletter • Tips: z_everson@protonmail.com, cell/SMS/Signal 202.804.2744

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