Louisvillians Weigh In

Should It Feel Good to Give?

Cover slide: a 19th-century wood engraving of a bearded man in a hat handing a loaf of bread to a barefoot boy outside a bakery window. Headline: Should it feel good to give? Louisvillians on the complications of giving and receiving.
Sometimes when we give, it can be weirdly hard to attain that feeling of generosity — that good jolt of having helped...
Chart: For 72% of us, that good feeling is sometimes hard to reach. 41%: It feels like making up for a society that isn’t as caring as I wish it would be. 33%: I rarely feel like what I can give is enough. 18%: Giving to an organization feels different, or I’m not sure it will be used well. 14%: It seems selfish or patronizing to feel good when others are in need. Readers could choose more than one answer.
Some of us feel generous, no problem. “I get an endorphin rush from giving/helping (money, time, talent) even though it never feels like enough.” — Retired, Summit Gardens. About a third of respondents said they often feel that good jolt.
But these are the ways it can get weird: When it feels like a trade. “When they did it to have leverage to get a possible advantage for something they want from you in return.” — Education & Learning, Plainview. “If there are strings, fine, but be upfront about it.” — Healthcare & Social Care, Clifton.
When it appears performative. “You could practically see her patting herself on the back for helping poor, poor pitiful me.” — Retired, Germantown. “I think some give just to [be] recognized. Even at that they are helping though and that does make a difference.” — Clergy, Faith Leader.
When it isn’t what’s needed. “…we needed bus passes, underwear, and money to pay people's security deposits - but those weren't sexy items on Christmas Eve.” — Healthcare & Social Care, Jeffersontown, who worked at a homeless shelter. “I didn't need holey, threadbare clothing for my kids.” — Technology & Digital, Springhurst, recalling a time their family needed help.
When it feels like making up for what’s broken. 41% of us said giving can feel like making up for a society that isn’t as caring as we wish it would be. It was the most common single answer. “There is so much out there that could be corrected by the powers that be (gov and corporations)…” — Retired, Old Louisville. “…we have enough in this country that nobody should struggle to house, feed, or care for themselves and their families.” — Professional Services, Deer Park.
So what makes giving and receiving just feel good? “It doesn’t feel generous, it feels unifying. People coming together for a common purpose of being in connection with one another.” — Media, Marketing & Communications, Highlands.
Connection, not a handoff. “I never want to be critical of anyone's desire to be generous, because it is an invitation to connection - but the real goal is the connection that links us to each other as neighbors.” — Healthcare & Social Care, Jeffersontown, who worked at a homeless shelter. “Giving when someone hasn’t asked for help but it’s clear they could use it” — Healthcare & Social Care, St. Matthews.
A little grace on both sides. “…it is a blessing, hopefully, to both the giver and the receiver.” — Clergy, Faith Leader. “When I feel the impulse to give, I check in to make sure I am not feeling that energy of expectation/strings before I do so. I don't want someone else to feel that ick.” — Healthcare & Social Care, Clifton.

Illustration: Needham, Geo. C., Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons.